


with time, everything will be forgotten

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Series: i've waited, i've waited for the sun to rise [3]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - War, Angst, Diary/Journal, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (again - not a biggie), Implied/Referenced Suicide (not a biggie), Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 04:02:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: Day 103Minhyun,I know how much you loved home. I miss home right now. Not the country, but you. I hope you are not as cold as I am. A home that is cold is unfortunate.JonghyunJonghyun makes his way from Glasglow to Ulaanbaatar.(or: Jonghyun's journey that takes place betweenthe gunshot (in my heart) goes bangandthere will be days and nights like paradise.)





	with time, everything will be forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> I never really intended to do any continuations to the series, but uh, I guess I kinda thought about the timeline one day and this came up? I wrote it all at once at 4am. Haha.  
> If you haven't read the other two works in the series, I'd highly recommend you do, because it might be kind of confusing what is happening in this part if you aren't familiar with the storyline.  
> Anyways, I hope you'll enjoy your read. :)
> 
> music: Sistar - Lonely
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> (For those of you that've already read the other two works, this starts shortly before Jonghyun burns himself.)

_start._

* * *

**Day 63**

_Minhyun_ ,

_The winter here is harsh. It is the grayest I have ever seen. The room I have rented does not come with heating, so it is unfortunate. However, the housekeeping lady is kind. She has provided a few extra blankets for me. It is sufficient enough for me to be mildly comfortable during the nights._

_I don’t know where you are, but you must know that the British Empire has been holding up decently. I suppose this is why the people here, I have found, are kinder than the others I have encountered. I wish to stay here, but I know that that is a futile hope. A country that almost solely depends upon naval power will not be able to hold up well against the bombers._

_I have never disliked travel more than I have now._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 64**

_Minhyun,_

_Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man slowly freezing to death. His bare arms and legs were already blue. I know death is something both you and I are familiar with, but for some reason, this man’s death was not fathomable to me. Am I becoming too soft, Minhyun? I shot him. I shot him because I felt sorry for him. There is a part of me that regrets it, because it is a bullet wasted -- a bullet that could be used to save your life or my own life one day. Did I just give away my chance of surviving? All for a strange man I do not know, simply because I pitied him._

_Minhyun, I am becoming too soft. It terrifies me. I previously never wished to live, but this wasted bullet instills fear in me. I’m terrified._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 65**

_Minhyun,_

_Please forgive me, but my chest--the scar--I couldn’t stand it any longer. The pain, the strange pulling, the bitter cold, it all drove me mad. I asked the housekeeping lady to light me a candle. I felt so frustrated, angry, betrayed -- not at you, of course, but at my own inability to care for you. I thought that I should die, so then the pain would go away, but then I remembered you. I can’t die. You’re still here._

_So you know what I did?_ _I burnt it._ _I no longer feel anything from it._

_It is ugly, but at least it no longer hurts._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 66**

_Minhyun,_

_I’ve left Glasglow. I’m currently on the ferry heading towards Normandy. Is this suicidal of me? The French are in no better shape than the Czechs, but I have to leave. They bombed London last night; you probably would’ve heard by the time I’m writing this. Do you remember the Invasion of Normandy? I feel the same as those soldiers would’ve felt. I’m walking into my own death._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 67**

_Minhyun,_

_Do you remember how much Jiyoung used to love France? Do you remember how all three of us visited this country together several years ago? I saw the town that was her favorite. It’s in shambles now. Do you remember its name? It was a nice name. Le Chambon. Jiyoung liked the wine that an old couple that lived there fermented themselves. I wanted to buy it for her, but the couple told us they were not selling it._

_I am currently sitting on the train tracks that run next to where the town once stood. Surprisingly, these tracks are unmarred._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 68**

_Minhyun,_

_Is it raining where you are? It is where I am. The rain is freezing, it soaks through my bones. I’m so weak, it’s difficult for me to move. But I have to keep on going, because I have to meet up with you, don’t I?_

_The rain is not all bad, however. The drinking water in France is not the cleanest. A man tried to sell me a bottle of pollution for half of my savings. Disgusting. The rain tastes so much better. It chills me, and I got a slight stomachache, but at least it is refreshing._

_I hope you have decent drinking water wherever you are._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 70**

_Minhyun,_

_I am sorry for not writing to you yesterday. I was on the train to Switzerland. Did you know who I met? I thought I was going crazy._

_A lady gave me a slice of bread while we were on the train. She sat with me in the boxcar. Her name was Jiyoung. Could you believe it? She looked nothing like Jiyoung, but she spoke to me like Jiyoung would. I nearly cried, Minhyun. Jiyoung is dead, and has been for a long time, I know. I should not be emotional over it, and I told myself that -- I never was an emotional person, after all. Minhyun, I’m becoming too soft. I’m weakening. I’m terrified._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 71**

_Minhyun,_

_I apologize for the stickiness on this letter. It is tree sap. I am up in a tree right now. I know it sounds a little odd, but they tried to shoot me today. I don’t know who it was, or where they were, but the bullet nearly took me out. The side of my cheek is scarred from it. It has to be them, Minhyun. Nobody else would have such good aim, unless it was a purely accidental gunshot. How do they know I’m alive? I am dead. I’m dead, Minhyun. You told me I was dead, and I’ve been trying to live as the dead._

_I’m terrified. Where are you, Minhyun? If I will die, then let’s die together._

_My eyes hurt. I have not slept for nearly the whole day. It is almost pitch black as I am writing this. I can barely see my own hand, let alone the words._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 73**

_Minhyun,_

_I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ask you to die with me. I’m sorry, I was crazed. I’ve come back to my senses now. I will probably end up dying. I don’t want you to die with me. If I will die, then I’d rather it be you who kills me. You were supposed to kill me, after all._

_Today, I am travelling through Sarganserland. I hope to be in Liechtenstein within the next few days. Switzerland is a beautiful country. It is the most beautiful I have seen so far through this war. I wish this country could’ve remained neutral. I would have liked to live here with you one day. You did once comment that you thought the Alps were beautiful, right? You can basically see the whole country while standing on the top of them._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 76**

_Minhyun,_

_I’m sorry for skipping so many days. I’m in a little bit of a hurry. I need to get as far away as I can from them. That last encounter startled me. Things seem peaceful for now, so I am writing this letter as I sit in the lobby of a hotel. Was it even them that tried to shoot me? I don’t know. Do you know, Minhyun? I wish you could tell me. You always knew more out of the two of us._

_Anyways, the scar on my face still remains. I wish I could burn it, but then it would become permanent. I know impatience is a sin, but the fact that I have a scar on my face raises so many questions. It is a little difficult to haggle like this. I want to claw it off._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 77**

_Minhyun,_

_I saw the sun rise today in Liechtenstein. It was beautiful. It reminded me of the sunset I saw in the Czech Republic. It is odd, isn’t it? That I think that dirty things are beautiful. I met a man who was running one of the food stalls. I told him I thought the sunrise was beautiful, and he agreed. Isn’t that odd, Minhyun? This man is smart. I hope he does not die. He is much too intelligent to die. I gave him an extra euro for a loaf of bread. He did not smile at me when he thanked me._

_Anyways, I hope you are able to find food easily. It is difficult for me, because I only have cash, but little of it left. I will have to use a stolen card soon. But I will be okay. I’ve done this before._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 80**

_Minhyun,_

_I have just crossed the border into Italy. Should I visit old_ _Nižník again? The Balkan forces have moved out of Venice by now. I never got to properly thank him for saving my life. I hope he is still alive. Did I tell you about how I met his daughter? The girl had polio. She could not walk. Jiyoung would tell me that she is beautiful, because she cannot walk. I think that’s a lie. No one is beautiful. But then again, I am not a parent, and I never will be. I don’t even care for myself, after all. How am I supposed to care for a child?_

_How did Jiyoung care for me?_

_I know you would tell me I am being selfish. Ungrateful, even. But really, Minhyun, how did she?_

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 81**

_Minhyun,_

_I laughed for the first time in months today. Do you know why? It is because I shot a squirrel and ate it. This is my first time eating squirrel meat. It doesn’t taste as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I suppose the barbarians that live in the Americas aren’t so unfortunate, after all. The meat was a little stringy -- it is expected, as the squirrels are no longer as fat as they used to be. I hope you don’t have to eat squirrels. I hope you can eat actual meat. I hope when you see this letter, you will laugh too._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 83**

_Minhyun,_

_I ate my second squirrel today. I think I’ve actually taken a liking to them. Acquired taste, you know. Squirrel meat with a side of barley porridge sounds disgusting, but two times the porridge with no meat is terrible. You probably know that already._

_Anyways, the inn I went to actually had eggs on their menu. Could you believe it? Given, the price was exhausting, but they had actual eggs. I think I may have walked into the wrong venue. That venue was not for people like me. Maybe it was a few years ago, but certainly not now._

_I hope you get the chance to eat eggs soon._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 88**

_Minhyun,_

_I have almost made it to Venice. It is taking me longer than I thought it would. The train tracks here in Italy are rough. And not to mention -- yesterday, in the middle of the night, the train I was riding crashed. Do you know why? It was because some man threw himself right in front of the first car. Of all ways to kill yourself, could that man not have shot himself? When I heard what happened, I thought that he should’ve just asked me. I would’ve shot him if he asked. Maybe. I do not know if it would be a waste to shoot him; my bullets are being used for squirrels now. What do you think?_

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 95**

_Minhyun,_

_Nižník is alive, but his daughter is dead. The girl died a few weeks before I arrived._

_Oddly enough, Nižník does not grieve. He acts the same as the last time I saw him. Is this the way a parent laments?_

_He said I look sallower than the last time he saw me. I told him the same thing. Maybe the situation in Italy is better than the last time I was here, but it will be some time before the economy even begins to improve. Nižník told me that he has been making a fair share of his money selling hallucinogens. I suppose the army might be buying them off of him. Wasn’t that how that one friend of yours died? The military injected some concoction of hallucinogenic drugs into him in order to get him to speak about the whereabouts of Khan. He ended up going crazy and killing himself._

_Well, Khan died anyways. He should’ve seen it coming before he ran away._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 96**

_Minhyun,_

_I’ve stayed in Nižník’s home for the past two days. I feel like I am intruding. I tried to take my leave today, because it is risky for both of us if I stay here too long. But he told me to stay. I do not blame him, as he is the only one working in his barber shop. I told him I could try to work there to pay for my stay. He laughed in my face and told me that my Italian is just as bad as a strumpet’s speech. I don’t feel hurt, since it’s entirely true. I wish you could’ve seen him laughing, Minhyun. It was the happiest expression I’ve seen someone donn in such a long time. I laughed with him too._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 99**

_Minhyun,_

_I am thinking about where I should go next. If I were to travel farther down the Italian peninsula, I could take a ferry to Albania and make my way towards Turkey. If I continue up north, then I could cross Slovenia and work my way towards Ukraine. Both are not stellar ideas, I know. Eastern Europe and the Middle East are both in shambles. The Iron Curtain’s grip is especially strong there. But I have to somehow make my way back to you, don’t I?_ _You’re in the East, aren’t you?_ _I know how much you loved home._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 103**

_Minhyun,_

_I am sorry this letter is short. But it is the middle of the night, and I am sitting in another boxcar on the train. The wood is rough and damp, and it is a bit difficult for me to sleep. I am also freezing, but that is nothing new._

_I know how much you loved home._ _I miss home right now._ _Not the country, but you. I hope you are not as cold as I am. A home that is cold is unfortunate._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 110**

_Minhyun,_

_I know it’s been a week since I’ve written. I hope I did not worry you. I am in Zagreb right now. The Russians have closed all the railways, so my only way of travel has been either by foot or hitchhiking on passing vehicles. I was scared that someone would discover who I am. There are quite a few military vehicles here. But it seems they are all occupied with something else. I told them that I am a Mongol who has come from Siberia, and they believed me. Only one soldier had to believe me, and then the rest did as well. I hope you are having as much luck as I am._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 114**

_Minhyun,_

_It has been almost four months. Where are you?_

_I saw a man bleeding on the streets today. His hair was as dark as yours._

_I killed him._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 120**

_Minhyun,_

_I am in Koprivnica-Križevci now. I don’t know how in the world you would pronounce that. It took me a fair amount of time to decipher the characters as well._

_It is taking me longer than I intended to make my way through Eastern Europe. The railways are still closed. I hope they will open soon. The war is no longer worsening._

_Please wait for me._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 135**

_Minhyun,_

_Today I met a man who was from the Empire as well. He’s a refugee from the war. He got very emotional when I began to speak to him in our native tongue. He said he used to work in the Cabinet’s office as an English translator. Do you know him? He says his name is Aron._

_I truly feel sorry for him, Minhyun. I don’t know why, but there is something about the way he looks that makes my stomach churn. Maybe it is because when I met him, he was nursing a black eye? But then again, I have seen much worse on my journey._

_So far, he seems to be an amiable companion. Being alone for so long has made me forget what it feels like to have someone walk next to you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 151**

_Minhyun,_

_I am nearly at Budapest. Aron has come with me along the way. He is an interesting character. I asked him if he’s ever killed someone, and he said no, because he has no reason to. Isn’t that odd? To meet someone who has no motive to kill. I then asked him why he carries a gun with him. He told me it’s because his gun is his only friend._

_In this aspect, he is just like me._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 155**

_Minhyun,_

_Today, Aron asked me how many people I’ve ever loved. When I asked him why he would raise such a question, he responded with that I look like a person that isn’t capable of love. We laughed at that remark. But to reply to his question, I told him one person. I asked him the same thing. He said one as well. They’re dead, though, unfortunately. She was a princess of a small city-state that had been occupied by the Empire._

_How many people have you ever loved, Minhyun?_

_Actually, don’t answer me. I don’t need the answer._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 168**

_Minhyun,_

_Today, Aron and I parted ways at the Hungarian-Serbian border. He was a decent companion._

_Where are you, Minhyun? It’s been past five months. Am I too impatient? I’m sorry._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 175**

_Minhyun,_

_Should I stay in one place? Maybe I am moving too fast. Am I? But I want to continue east. I know you’re in the East, aren’t you? Please reply._

_I am running out of bullets._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 193**

_Minhyun,_

_The highlight of my day today is that I saw Satan. Well, not the Satan that rules over Hell. But he sure looked like Satan. He appeared to be a normal man, except for the fact that his eyes glowed red. It was a little odd._

_I am talking about a mural on the side of a wall, by the way. Sorry, I forgot to mention. I think you would’ve liked to have seen it. It was quite a compelling piece of art. I know both you and I do not need religion, but it felt as if the Devil himself were staring at me -- I almost believed in religion at that moment._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 200**

_Minhyun,_

_I made it over the Ukrainian border last night. It was terrifying. Since I don’t have papers, I cannot pass through regular border checks, so I’ve been sneaking my way through countries. Border officers are generally inadequate, but it seems that Russia has a stronger grip on Ukraine. After all, that makes sense. Ukraine is her older sister._

_Anyways, a patrol officer shot several times at me. I’m unscathed, thank goodness. I just hope they didn’t catch a glimpse of what I looked like. That would be unfortunate. All these months of planning would have gone to waste._

_If I’m going to die, I want to die by your hand._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 213**

_Minhyun,_

_How are you doing? I am sorry I haven’t asked that for a long time. Please tell me. I want to know; I need to know. I overheard a military officer saying that the units they’ve placed in China will be moving south later this week. I don’t even know if you’re there, but if you’re there, please be careful._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 230**

_Minhyun,_

_Please reply to me, Minhyun. Please,_

[There are several splatters of black ink on the paper.]

 

**Day 233**

_Minhyun,_

_I’m sorry, I know my last message ended quite abruptly. I hope you’re not worried, I’m fine. I was writing while I stopped in the middle of a forest, but it seems some hunt was going on. There was a lot of gunfire. I ran so much that I don’t remember what happened -- a father and his son told me they found me lying face-down on the ground unconscious. They’ve given me food and water. I am so grateful. I could have died. They offered to let me stay the night, but I told them I couldn’t. I need to find you as soon as possible. It’s been nearly eight months, Minhyun._

_I am in Cherkaska now. Some of the railways have re-opened. I hope to be in Russia in the next month or so._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 256**

_Minhyun,_

_I am in Zaporizka now. Everything is so desolate. It is all barren tundra around me. The grass is so dry, I’ve considered eating it. Would it taste bad?_

_Actually, I just grabbed a handful and ate it. It tastes like what you’d expect it to taste like. You may think I’m crazy for eating grass, but I’m hungry. I’m so, so, hungry. I cannot shoot animals for meat, for there are no animals in the area. I am running out of money. The locals here do not use cash, they trade objects, so I cannot pickpocket. I have to use a stolen card again soon._

_Please wait for me. I promise I’ll be careful._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 266**

_Minhyun,_

_I’m almost at the Russian-Ukrainian border now. It is so close, yet so far. I want to leave this country as soon as I can. It seems Russia has sent her most barbaric and suspicious officers here. I was stopped by one while I was walking through Donetsk. He asked me for my papers, because I look like a foreigner -- the mask and cap cannot hide my eyes. I do not have papers, and you know what he did? He pointed a gun at my head._

_He was only a rookie, thank goodness. His commanding officer told him to lay down the gun. “We do not discriminate against refugees from the advances of the motherland. They will become our people,” he said. It was terrifying, Minhyun. Why was I terrified? I want to know that. I’ve had plenty of guns pointed at my head, but for some reason, this one affected me more than others._

_Help me, please._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 280**

_Minhyun,_

_I’ve made it to Luhansk. Tomorrow I will be in Russia. Where would you like to meet me? I am close to the East. Would you be at home? Would you be in China, or maybe Japan? Or even Indonesia or Bali? We once went to Bali together, remember? You said you loved the palms and the climate._

_I wonder what Bali looks like now after the Japanese invasion. I hope the palms are still there; I thought they were quite wonderful as well._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 290**

_Minhyun,_

_It seems all the railways in Russia are open. Surprisingly, they are much better cared for than any of the other railways I have ridden. While in Kamensk-Shakhtinsky, I met a little babushka who was selling flowers on the street. She was yelling very loudly, but when I walked by, her voice quieted. When I turned around and looked at her, I realized she looked like someone we knew. Her eyes were the same shape and same color of gold-brown as Yuri’s were. Do you remember Yuri? She worked in the bakery where I used to buy those raspberry tarts for you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 293**

_Minhyun,_

_As long as the railways do not close, I think I will be able to reach Kazakhstan within the next two or three weeks._

_Please, Minhyun. Tell me where you are, so I can find you. I’ve told you where I am. You haven’t come to find me yet because there’s something keeping you where you are, isn’t there? Don’t worry about that. I’ll come to you; just tell me where you are._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 307**

_Minhyun,_

_There has been a blizzard for the past half week here. I’ve had to remain in Volgograd for several days. I bet the weather where you are is much better. This city used to be so grand, yet there are so many beggars on the streets now. Their gloves are threadbare, and their eyes are transparent. They are the same color as the environment._

_I am sitting on the side of the road right now, and across from me is one of those desolates. I feel like I’m looking into a mirror._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 313**

_Minhyun,_

_Within the next three days, I will be at the Russian-Kazakhstani border. Please, tell me where you are. I don’t know where to go next. It has been ten months, Minhyun -- where are you?_

_Where are you?_

_Let me come to you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 321**

_Minhyun,_

_A man tried to attack me today. He was probably crazed. His lips frothed. I remember you once told me about one of the Empire’s testing specimens that you had the pleasure of meeting when he was active during the nighttime. The description you gave me oddly matched this man. It probably wasn’t him, though. You told me that the more active the specimens became, the more their lifespans drained. It’s been so many years; that one you met is almost certainly dead._

_Anyways, I am unharmed. That man had a blade, and I had a gun. A woman screamed at me when I shot him. She was speaking a dialect I could not comprehend well, but I figured that I just killed her brother. That is unfortunate, but he would have died anyways from whatever ailment prevailed in him._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 336**

_Minhyun,_

_Kazakhstan is even more empty than it was before the war -- I don’t know how that’s even possible. I have been travelling for so long, and I have seen nothing but shabby abandoned towns and a few caravan camps here and there. I do not anticipate travel; my feet hurt so much from walking on harsh roads for so long. I’m quite sure it’ll take me a long time to make it out of this country, not only because there are little to no railways, but also because there are still disputes over territory between the Russian Union and the Chinese Empire. For now, I can still travel during the day, but once I go farther inland, I can only travel at night._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 349**

_Minhyun,_

_I hope that wherever you are, you are being treated well. In the middle of Zhas, they were holding a live execution. The woman they were slicing was being executed for heresy, I heard. Needless to say, I had a little chuckle. “Religion is the opiate of the masses,” as they say. Hopefully, you aren’t having to witness such disgusting events._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 365**

_Minhyun,_

_Today marks one year. Do you realize it?_

_If you have, why have you not told me where you are? Why have you not replied?_

_You promised me we’d see each other once again. Am I being too impatient?_

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 366**

_Minhyun,_

_Please, Minhyun, please. I don’t want to go on any longer like this._

_I wish you could see me right now. I don’t care if I can see you, but I want you to see me._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 367**

_Minhyun,_

_There has to be some reason that you’re not replying, right?_

_If it’s been so long, it must be important._

_I’m sorry for bothering you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 375**

_Minhyun,_

_I am almost at Chapaev. Thankfully, I have found a railway that can take me there, and hopefully then I can find one to Kandyagash._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 408**

_Minhyun,_

_I have just arrived at Kandyagash. Are you feeling better now? Can you tell me where you are? Of course, if you are not feeling better, that is okay. I’ll wait._

_Let me come to you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 427**

_Minhyun,_

_How are you feeling now? That is the only thing I wish to know._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 433**

_Minhyun,_

_Today, I have arrived at Kyzylorda. There was a man driving a carriage as I walked by, and the mare he had was quite a beauty. It was such a different thing to see -- my head rushed at the sight, because all I’ve seen so far is gray, brown, white, and black. This mare was a lively chestnut with a star on her forehead and a single white sock. She reminded me of your gelding that you had such a long time ago. Brandy was his name, wasn’t it?_

_  
_ _Jonghyun_

 

**Day 459**

_Minhyun,_

_Today is the first day I have set foot in the capital, Astana. You and I have visited so many places, but never have I been to the Kazakhstani capital. People think Kazakhstan is nothing but desolate tundra, but from what I have seen so far of the city, I believe it was once gorgeous. You’ve been to Astana before, right? One of the men you’ve killed has to be from here, right?_

_Anyways, this means that I will be at the border within the next month. Where would you like me to go from here? I can go southeast into China, or I can continue east into Mongolia. Where are you? Please tell me._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 471**

_Minhyun,_

_Today, I am in Semey._

_I need you, Minhyun. Tell me where to go._ _I don’t know where I’m going._ _Actually, I do._

_I’m going to you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 499**

_Minhyun,_

_I’m at Deer Park. It seems that the locals here are rather friendly. A couple sold me a liter of goat milk for only seven-hundred tenges. I thought they were joking when they offered._

_Anyways, please respond to me._ _Where do I go? China? Mongolia?_

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 511**

_Minhyun,_

_I set foot in Mongolia today. You must be at home, right? I know how much you loved home. It’s risky for me to return, but then again, it was just as risky for you to return as well._

_Please wait for me. I’ll be there soon._

_Let me come to you._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 525**

_Minhyun,_

_I’m in Ulaangom today. The waterfront here is fascinating. It is not necessarily gray, but a gray-blue. This is the first time I’ve seen blue in such a long time._

_Oh, and thankfully, the railways in Mongolia are working. They seem to be more efficient than the Russian ones, as expected. This country was noted for being quick in industrialization before the war began._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 533**

_Minhyun,_

_I like the name of this city. “Songino”. It sounds like a place where you and I would live together._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 556**

_Minhyun,_

_Five-hundred and fifty-six days is quite long._

_Jonghyun_

[The corner of the page is rippled and dry, as if it came in contact with water.]

 

**Day 580**

_Minhyun,_

_Today, I am in Ulaanbaatar. Would you like me to buy you anything from here? I heard the Chinese did some revamping to the city, and they are right. This place is abuzz. There are more factories here than I have ever seen._

_I am a little fatigued from all this travel. I think I will stay here for a few days and take a rest. I hope you do not mind._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 581**

_Minhyun,_

_Today I visited a bookshop. I haven’t been in one for so long. I haven’t read anything besides road signs for so long. I remember that your favorite book was_ Memorabilia of the Three Kingdoms. _I recommended it to you, didn’t I? Well, anyways, I found a few copies of that book in this bookshop. I sat down to read it for a little bit. The man who was working at the counter came over and said that that was one of his favorite books. He said I could sit there and read for as long as I wanted to. His name is Zhou Yixuan. He is young and nice. He reminds me of us a long time ago._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 582**

_Minhyun,_

_I stayed overnight in the bookshop. The employee back room had a couch and a fireplace. Can you believe it? A fireplace! It was shallow and small, but nonetheless, it was warm. I hadn’t been that warm in a long time. Have you found a fireplace?_

_Anyways, Yixuan is very kind. He and I talked about our favorite books. I met the owner of the bookstore, Zhang Yixing. He was impressed with the amount of literature I knew, as well as my speaking -- I told them both I am a refugee from the south, and so they assumed that I might not know the language at all._

_Once I find you, I think we should return here one day. I’ll introduce you to both Yixing and Yixuan._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 583**

_Minhyun,_

_I asked Yixing and Yixuan how they knew the language so well. They told me that they both moved to Ulaanbaatar from China, since the Chinese government offered their citizens pensions for more people to occupy their new territory. That is quite kind of them to offer anything. I never thought much about the Chinese, but I suppose I like them more than many other governments I have dealt with._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 585**

_Minhyun,_

_Yesterday, Yixing offered me a job at his bookshop. I don’t know what I should do._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 586**

_Minhyun,_

_Please help me. What should I do? If I stay here, can you please come and meet me here? Maybe you can work in the bookshop too._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 587**

_Minhyun,_

_Please respond to me. I think that it’s not a terrible idea if we lived here together. Will you at least consider the option? After all, you do know the language, and it is safer that we remain here than in our home country._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 588**

_Minhyun,_

_Yixing is getting impatient. Please, reply. I would love for us to finally settle together._

_Jonghyun_

 

**Day 589**

_Minhyun,_

_I like Ulaanbaatar._

_I think I will stay here._

_J_

[Jonghyun stands up abruptly.

“Is there something wrong?” Yixuan asks.

“Nothing at all, _ge,_ ” Jonghyun replies.

“Are you sure?” Yixuan adds, looking at Jonghyun worriedly. “You seem a little startled.”

“I just--” Jonghyun begins, and he glances at the object sitting on the counter in front of him. He sets his pen down on the wood, before picking up the object, and turning around.

“Woah-- wait, where are you going?” Yixuan hastily asks, when Jonghyun begins to walk away. “Hey--” He follows Jonghyun, for the look on his friend’s face had alarmed him.

Jonghyun almost flings himself into the employee room. He nearly trips on the foot of the couch as he makes his way to the very back of the room.

“Shao’an, what’re you--” Yixuan begins, a few paces behind Jonghyun. “Wait!” he exclaims, when he sees Jonghyun raise his hand.

With one smooth sweep of his arm, the object in Jonghyun’s grip flies into the flame burning in the pit of the fireplace, the red-hot dancing and licking its way up the instant it gets a taste of the paper. Jonghyun stands in front of it, his arms hanging at his sides, and he watches it become consumed.

“Why’d you do that?!” Yixuan calls out, “You’ve been writing in that thing every single day. Why in the world would you burn it just like that? All your hard work is wasted n--” His voice is abruptly cut when he sees Jonghyun sink down to the floor. “Shao’an-- what--”

“I can’t,” Jonghyun mumbles, burying his face in his hands, and at that moment, it feels like his heart is exploding. The rushing in his chest is unbearable; he almost falls backwards, but there is Yixuan’s hands on his shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Yixuan asks, panic in his voice.

“I give u-up,” Jonghyun whispers, his voice trembling, and there’s the painful sparking of hot at the corner of his eyes. In fact, it is all over his body, as if he were being continuously stabbed with a burning knife. “I give up, I give up, I give u--”

“You put so much effort into it,” Yixuan murmurs, wrapping his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders, “I’m sorry you didn’t like it. It’s alright. I bet there’ll be more opportunities for you to write other st--”

Jonghyun interrupts him with a croak of his voice. “He’s dead--”

“...What?”

“He’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead--”

At that moment, Jonghyun wishes he were dead as well -- he thinks that he is dead.]

* * *

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Bless cam/[wildflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangtrashsyd/pseuds/wildflower) for looking over this!


End file.
